ODOBE-BOBA-NS

Tavishi

Walruses, or Odobenus rosmarus, are famously the only extant (not extinct) individuals belonging to the group odobenidae. However, prior to the Miocene, there were countless odobenidan species varying greatly in morphology, especially in dental structure.

Although we don't know much about all of these extinct species, especially considering they've been extinct for millions of years, we do know enough to tell one very scientifically objective fact about each species: what their boba order would be.

Naturally, pinnipeds and boba go hand in hand- both are round.. and also both are round.

It's only natural that extinct odobenidans think about boba from their older-than-humans-graves. Starting off strong with the cutesy Nanodobenus arandai, differing greatly from our modern day walrus. She's sleek, five feet, and sweet. Originating on the west coast of Mexico, N. arandai is, to say the least, very different from the modern walrus. She doesn't have the characteristically long tusks, and is more of a warm weather girly than her descendant, the walrus. She's a fish eating girly. N. arandai would have been a taro milk tea, 50% sweetness, with extra boba pearls. Personally, not my favorite, but she was sweet, milky, and lavender.

Next, Aivukus cedrosensis, also found on the western coast of Mexico. A. cedrodensis had a longer snout, rather than brachycephalic like the modern walrus; in comparison to the non-tusked walrus fossils, A. cedrodensis had tusks, belonging to the clade dusignathinae. However, these tusks were rather small. But because of the similarities in dental morphology, we can infer that A. cedrodensis was a molluscivore, similar to the modern day walrus. A. cedrodensis was also smaller than the walrus nowadays, but certainly larger than the petite N. arandai! If A. cedrodensis got boba, she'd be getting some sort of strawberry fruit tea with jelly at the bottom, rather than tapioca pearls. (I don't know what mollusks taste like, but probably something close to strawberry jelly?) Now: Pontolis magnus lacked tusks. She was BIG- larger than the modern walrus AND the Southern Elephant seal. She was a real chonker, and could be found along the west coast of what is now Oregon. P. magnus was an imagotarine, or tuskless walrus. Her skull could fit approximately 12 newborn kittens (I did the math.) If P. magnus got boba, she'd be getting a classic milk tea, hold the boba (very sad.) Ontocetus emmonsi was a dusignathine (I don't actually know if this is the right conjugation of that word.) While the rest of our girls were west coast, warm water, O. emmonsi was much cooler, and probably near-Arctic. Her fossils were found in the North Atlantic ocean, and she was probably a species that experienced greater sexual dimorphism than the modern day walrus. In addition, the tusks of her fossils found bear striking resemblance to other tusks of that period; while modern walrus tusks have a more circular formation, O. emmonsi tusks form an oval cross section.

If O. emmonsi got boba, she'd be getting something with tapioca pearls; personally, I'm feeling a nice coffee with tapioca pearls at the bottom. Lots of whipped cream on top.

Similarly, O. posti is O. emmonsi's sister, but I'm feeling different vibes. Morphologically, they're similar, but O. posti would have definitely also preferred a fruit tea, just like Aivukus cedrodensis. She would have gotten a green tea with lychee jelly (similar texture to mollusk moment. someone please tell me if lychee jelly has a similar texture to mollusk.) Finally, Valenictus chulavistensis, or our toothless wonder is a suction-feeding cutie. She had a flat palate, and no teeth; her locomotion during swimming is more similar to the modern phocid (seal) than the modern otariid (sea lion). V. chulavistensis lived in subtropical waters, and occupied a different ecological niche than our modern walrus. Ultimately, though, she still had tusks.

V. chulavistensis would have gone with a black tea (caffeine moment) with lychee jelly and popping pearls, sucking up sweet fruity goodness like mollusk guts. And last, but not least, Odobenus rosmarus: the modern day walrus. Big, blubber, adorable, and a much better father than most pinniped species. O. rosmarus would have ordered a Thai milk tea and tapioca boba: classic and sweet.